Counseling for Infertility


I specialize in the emotional aspects of infertility, third-party family building (the use of donor eggs, sperm, embryos or surrogacy), and adoption. While infertility can be a crisis, for many people it eventually proves to be an opportunity for life-enhancing personal growth.

Common issues addressed in infertility counseling include:
  • Managing stress, fear, depression and anxiety
  • Coping with feelings of uncertainty, isolation, grief and loss
  • Improving communication and support between partners
  • Decision-making related to treatment possibilities including if and when to end treatment
  • Exploring other family building options including adoption and third-party assistance (gamete donation, surrogacy)
  • Handling relationships with family, friends and co-workers
  • Coping with hurtful comments and questions
  • Deciding if, how, and when to tell others about your infertility and family building decisions
  • Coping with holidays, family gatherings and child-focused social activities
Each person or couple experiences infertility differently and copes in their own unique ways. For a checklist of symptoms to see if therapy might be of benefit to you, click here.

Individuals
Individuals struggling with infertility experience significant emotional distress. Prolonged fertility problems can evoke feelings of frustration, powerlessness, grief and loss. Women who have experienced multiple miscarriages may especially be affected by feelings of grief and loss. For many, ongoing fertility struggles can erode self-confidence, strain your primary relationship and friendships, or cause you to question your identity and self-worth.

Couples
For couples, making expensive medical treatment decisions and coping with the uncertainties of their success can put a significant strain on relationships. Some couples experience problems when one partner wants to pursue all treatment options and do "whatever it takes" to have a child while the other would prefer to set limits. Additionally, couples often find themselves in a grieving process for the child that they are unable to have. For some couples, one partner may want to explore alternatives such as third party family building and adoption while the other partner finds these too painful and emotionally complicated to consider.

Impact on Children
Once a resolution has been found or as a part of the decision-making process, I also work with couples and parents about the impact of their family building choice on their child or children including whether and how to talk with children about their biological origins when they are conceived through IVF, a third-party, or brought into a family through adoption. I also help couples navigate the emotional complexities of adoption and working with birthparents.

Guidance & Support Can Help
Infertility can be an emotional roller coaster. My approach is to help you access resources, both internal and external, to find your own personal resolution to this challenge. When needed, I provide referrals to additional Bay Area infertility and adoption resources.

Links to other Resources
  • Book Reviews about Infertility from the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (click on “Older Posts” for more reviews)
  • Open Path: The Family-Building Resource of Northern California
  • Resources for Patients from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine
  • Adopting - Is Adopting a Child Right for you and Your Family?
  • A Bibliography of Children’s Books by the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine
Getting Started
If you have questions or would like to set up an initial therapy consultation, please contact me by phone at 415-771-5671 or email at reneespencer@mac.com.